Segment City

Segment City Holiday Special 2020 - Krampus Origins

For this very special holiday episode of Segment City, Theo and Will ask what the point of the song “The Twelve Days of Christmas” is and ask “why are they giving away so many birds?!”, Theo asks if Will would be hunted by an elf on Christmas for a million dollars, Will goes over the (quite frankly sparse” history of Krampus including his supposed origins, appearance, and fun festivities surrounding the hellish creature, they briefly talk about the Syfy movie “Letters to Satan Claus”, Theo and Will fill out the naughty and nice lists with an edition of judging people on r/AmITheAsshole, and lastly, Wil goes into some saucy Christmas Stories in “Amazon Erotica” featuring “A Snowed in Christmas”, “One Night Only 2”, and… others that we don’t want to list the name of because they are nasty.

Segment City Episode 75 - We Goofed It!

Sometimes you need to slam down that Goof em Up Button and say “I goofed it”. On this episode of the podcast, Will and Theo talk about cats pooping in the bed, the Cameo app and how it is a shallow post capitalist nightmare, we dive into the wacky world of eBay with “eBay Finds!” where we look at a strange Boar taxidermy mount and very funny dead mouse, Will talks about some garbage reality TV with “Wacky Interiors” where weird people show off their weird home interiors and “Married at First Sight” where contestants don’t meet the person experts set them up with until they see them walking down the aisle, Theo introduces a new segment called “Weird Al or Eminem” in which he reads a lyric and Will guesses if Weird Al sang it or Eminem did, and Will ends on an “Amazon Erotica” of “His Little Secret” by Jessa Kane about a woman shacking up with her step uncle who just got out of prison.

Segment City Episode 74 - Daaaaddy's Daaaairy!

UwU I loooove to go to Daaaaddy’s Daaaaairy! He makes it fresh :) Oh god, even I hate this character. Let’s never talk about this ever again. This week on the podcast, Will and Theo talk about what animals must think when they see humans running, when the last we drank a glass of milk was, the poorly named ice cream parlor “Daddy’s Dairy”, Will recounts a story of a man who dumped a “Big Pile of Eels” in a New York City lake, Theo takes us into the disturbing government experiments performed in Project MK Ultra, and Will reads the titles of Chuck Tingle’s work including “The State of California Stalks My Gay Bu**hole”, “Pounded By My Handsome Ghost Boats”, “Chuck’s Living Object Tinglers Volume 1” through way too many, and many other stories, some that are weirdly topical and political but we won’t get into that.

Segment City Episode 73 - The Pyrotechnics Guild International

Can you imagine what the Pyrotechnics Guild International’s meetings must be like? The food might be a bit burnt but the mid meeting entertainment is probably top notch! Plenty of interesting (if slightly singed) attendees! I wonder how many collective fingers they all are missing… This week on the podcast, Will and Theo review “Scott Pilgrim vs. The World” and “Poltergeist”, what games they are playing including “Last of Us 2”, “Star Wars Squadrons”, “Crash Bandicoot 4”, “Apex Legends”, and others, Will offers some Career Advice on how to “Become a Licensed Pyrotechnician” using a guide found online, and the boys have a bracket tournament to see what is the Ultimate Thanksgiving Food!

Segment City Episode 72 - "To My Lusty Son..."

“To My Lusty Son, you’re nasty and you know it. You keep writing graffiti on the walls about your… exploits and now I will call you out in a similar fashion. You must get this from your nasty father.” This week on the podcast, the boys discuss peeing sitting down, if we would get a Pinocchio nose for a million dollars, the final installment of “Pompeii Graffiti!” in which the boys read some Roman graffiti about lusty sons, pooping in the same spot in public, and calculating a bar tab on a wall, Theo recounts the life of Adolf Sax the inventor of the Saxophone from his accident prone childhood to being snubbed for an award because he was too young to his sour luck ending him up in destitution, and the boys read Chapters 6 and 7 of the most infamous fanfiction: “My Immortal”!

Segment City Episode 71 - Vin Diesel: Simp Extraordinaire

We’re sorry Mr. Diesel, please don’t sue us. That being said, don’t put out a pop song about pining after ladies if you don’t want to be made fun of. This episode on the podcast, Will tries (and fails) to recount the plot of “Vampire Academy”, the boys talk about the worst dates they have been on, Theo asks “Is this the Onion?” about NASA making a 5G tower on the moon disguised as a pine tree, the word “bone” being censored at a paleontology conference, and Amazon disguising packages so people don’t know you order from Amazon, Theo and Will interview each other for mystery jobs in a fun improv game, Theo asks “What does this Rap Lyric Mean?” about the new song “Feel Like I Do” by everyone’s favorite Mr. Clean impersonator Vin Diesel, Will hosts “Conspiracy Query: Fan Theory Edition” about some popular movie fan theories.

Segment City Halloween Spooktacular 2020! (ft. Movie Monster Dodgeball)

Happy Halloween everyone! In this spooky episode of the podcast, Theo and Will talk about what Halloween costumes will be popular this year including dressing up as Covid, Tiger King, Among Us crewmates, etc., what scared us as child including scary Barney scenes, getting addicted to drugs, and running up the stairs at night, Will goes over some of the worst Goosebumps episodes (“My Hairiest Adventure” , “Revenge of the Lawn Gnomes”, “Stay Out of the Basement!”, “Strained Peas”, and “An Old Story”), and the boys draft dodgeball teams from a list of famous movie monsters! Which team do you think would win?

Segment City Episode 69 (Nice) - The Highgate Cemetery Vampire Hunters

Imagine being referred to as a Vampire Hunter. Would you feel cool or like a crazy person? Like imagine handing out business cards with “Vampire Hunter” on it or having it on your resume. “Yeah, I tried to get into the Vampire Hunting business for a while but ended up having some competition that challenged me to a wizard duel.” This week on the podcast, Theo and Will talk about how teens are always killed in slasher movies and why we are all ok with it, Theo complains about how many bibliographies he had to write in school, Will reads some stories about “Halloween Hunks” by Mason Harnes, a sensual book series featuring fear boners, murder dating apps, and banging your bros when you get stuck in a room together. Also this episode, “The Worst Amusement Parks” comes back with “Dickens’ World” based on the dreary Victorian stories of Charles Dickens, and Will takes us on the tale of the Highgate Vampire Hunters named David Farrant and Sean Manchester and how their epic feud led to mobs breaking into the Highgate Cemetery, corpses being dug up, and a Magician duel being proposed.

Segment City Episode 68 - Jalapeño Noir

We here at Wine Spectator were shocked at the very concept of Taco Bell selling a wine. Will it have a Jalapeno taste to it? Is not the function of Taco Bell to eat when you are already, as the youth say, “plastered”? Why waste wine on that, even cheap Taco Bell wine. Sorry, I must go. We are doing a ritual sacrifice to Dionysus tonight and I would hate to miss it. This week, Will shows Theo some overpriced animal shaped furniture, the boys talk about how fear is a “love it or hate it” emotion and that fear is a privileged emotion to experience in the context of the animal kingdom, a story of a Florida man that slapped his girlfriend with pizza she was trying to throw out, weird pizzas they have seen people order, the new Taco Bell “Jalapeno Noir” wine (which must pair nicely with a gosh darn Crunchwrap Supreme),  Theo recounts the story of how a man tried to buy a Harrier Jet from Pepsi in a contest and ended up in court, and the boys go over Terrance Howard’s crazy math system called “Terryology” in his attempt to prove 1 x 1 = 2.

Segment City Episode 67 - Punching Pirates

There is a lot of pirate punching in this episode. Like we spend a lot of time playing D&D just getting into a fist fight with a lot of pirates. No pirates were hurt in the recording of this episode. This week on the podcast, Will and Theo talk about how scarecrows scare people more than they scare crows, for a million dollars would we lose the ability to fart with anonymity, the boys play “D&D for 2!” and in this adventure, Bruno Wizardson gets in a fight with some contradictory Desert Pirates with some Dwarves on his side as his companions use some sticky fingers to (unsuccessfully) pickpocket onlookers. Jory gets caught and Bruno has to trade some magic hand lotion to save his brother’s fingers. Also in this episode, Theo and Will talk about some of their top 5 favorite gummy candies!