Segment City

Segment City Episode 49 - #gettingslizzerd

The only thing better than #givingblood to the Red Cross is #gettingslizzerd with the Red Cross. This week on the podcast, Theo and Will talk about Tortas, a mini review of Dishonored, whether it is better to put out shows all at once or weekly is better for streaming services, a very in depth review of both Alien and Aliens which turns into somewhat of an argument between Will and Theo about which is better, some comporate Twitter mishaps in which they tweeted some… unfortunate things (featuring Chrysler, the American Red Cross, Walmart, DiGiorno’s, and Baby Nut), Theo goes into The Holy Land Experience, an apparently awful theme park in Orlando, Florida that features fun attractions for the whole family like a bloody Jesus being crucified daily, terrible food, and limited space in the performances (which are the only reason to go), and Will goes on a deep dive into a Revolution Studios and a conspiracy that he has formulated about their operations as well as diving into the flop that was Zoom: Academy for Heroes and the Anger Management TV show and how it was all a ploy to get into syndication. He goes off the deep end, it’s a little frightening.

Segment City Episode 48 - I See Bees, I am Bees

Ah, the old Descartes quote, “I see bees, therefore I am bees.” Wait, am I remembering that right…? This week on the podcast, the boys talk about tarot cards, if Millennials will be able to keep up with technology in the future, the adventures of Florida Man and his quest to slap his girlfriend with a cheeseburger, the worst Top 50 Sci fi TV show list (seriously, who made this piece of garbage list?), “31 Insanely Irrelevant Acronyms on the FBI’s Epic List of Internet Slang” featuring acronyms nobody has ever said or typed before because they are uncommon, too long, or both, and Will delves deep into some Amazon Erotica where he reads the descriptions for a trilogy of Santa Claus themed smut including “Santa Steps Out”, “Santa Claus Conquers the Homophobes”, and “Santa Claus Saves the World” by Robert Devereux.

Segment City Episode 47 - The Grave Pool

Turns out it is a very bad idea to set the wave pool in an amusement park to “Mondo Gigantic Waves”, especially in a place with a loose understanding of public safety like Action Park. It was thoughtful of them to put floating tombstone buoys in the wave pool to commemorate the fallen. That was a joke, that didn’t happen, don’t DM me.This week on the podcast, Theo and Will talk about Will’s new sword, all the Internet’s varying opinions on the concept of having… relations with your own clone, news stories about a surprisingly speedy cow evading police and an 11 year old Grand Theft Auto fan taking a car on a joy ride at his parents urging, Will dramatically reads things he found from the internet including 17th century dating habits, an Amazon review for 20 sided dice, Wikipedia entries about strange fish, and the sexiest D&D wizard spells, and Theo goes on a deep dive into one of the Worst Amusement Parks: Action Park. A place where the Alpine slide is fast, the go kart speed regulators are off, and the wave pool is constantly drowning people with it’s meter high waves.

Segment City Episode 46 - Surprise Mariachi Band

I love a good Mariachi band. It’s especially nice when they specifically play for you on a birthday or other special event. But it’s all context. A surprise Mariachi band in a Mexican restaurant? Perfect. A surprise Mariachi band in your house? Not as good. A surprise Mariachi band popping up in your car and throwing a bag over your head while blaring trumpet in your ear? Less than ideal. This week on the podcast, the boys talk about trading bodies with other people, a question from r/ RelationshipAdvice where an office worker wants to compliment the janitor for how well she cleans the bathroom, how obnoxious it would be to have a Mariachi band follow you all day, and in a long segment of “D&D for 2”, the fake wizard Bruno Wizardson attempts to evict an Ogre with… curious tastes in literature and cuisine by attempting to bankrupt him. A deal goes awry, spells are cast, and there may be consequences for questionable transactions. Stay tuned for more!

Segment City Episode 45 - Lean Olympics

The Olympics have been getting too flabby with all these events! Back in Ancient Greece, dudes just ran around and wrestled each other a bit until one ruled supreme. Now we have Olympic badminton and horse dressage...This week, we talk about some Star Wars lore with Yoda, what gaming will look like in the future when we are old geezers playing LAN Halo 3 and Red Dead 20 on our Nintendo World, a quick history lesson on the Donner Party, how many numbered sequels a franchise can have, asking whether we would take a million dollars but a statue is erected in honor of your most embarrassing moment, discussing what will replace E3 and if we are excited over a more steady supply of gaming news instead of the hype of E3, Sony and Microsoft’s new consoles, what games are looking forward to and what news we want to come out over the Summer, and finally we take a crack at the Olympics (which has gotten too bloated in our opinion) as we go through all the Olympic games and say whether they should be cut or not!

Segment City Episode 44 - S.U.R.V.I.V.A.L

Look, I just listened to the whole episode and couldn’t tell you what the S.U.R.V.I.V.A.L acronym means. Shows how good of an acronym it is… This week on the podcast, the boys talk about what our bones look like, our thoughts on grave robbing, fun casket booby traps, things to do in quarantine like “take a nice bath”, “drink some green juice”, “text all your exes to see how they are doing”, “LOOK AT YOURSELF IN THE MIRROR and draw your face”, “go at half speed”, and “Try to crochet and then immediately throw it away when you get frustrated”, the boys also discuss the “Corrupted Blood Pandemic” in World of Warcraft where an ingame “debuff” spread through the playerbase and mimicked real world pandemic response, the Top 10 Worst GI Joe characters (The Fridge, Tollbooth, Outback, Scoop, Ice Cream Man, Dee Jay, Airtight, Deep Six, and Sand Scorpion), and guessing what movies famous quotes came from!

Segment City Episode 43 - Quarantine Binge Watch Roundup

We’re back! Not even a global pandemic can keep us down for long except for those few weeks that it kept us down! This week Theo and Will go over what movies, TV shows, and video games they have consumed while trapped inside. Movies include everyone’s favorite bug killing fascist movie Starship Troopers, Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol, and The Mask of Zorro! We were more keen on binging shows like Community, Westworld, Star Trek The Next Generation, Terrace House, The Boys, Mike Tyson’s Mysteries, and of course Tiger King! We also are big gamers and played God of War, Wizard of Legend, Katana Zero, Baba is You, Tabletop Simulator, Totally Accurate Battle Simulator, Red Dead Redemption 2, Animal Crossing, and Astrobot Rescue Mission!

Segment City Episode 42 - My House is Haunted by a T-Rex

Because of the Corona Virus, Theo and Will have decided to put the podcast on hiatus until they can record new episodes. Thank you for your support and understanding and we hope to get more episodes out soon!

 

Ghost are said to have unfinished business that keeps them on this mortal plane. So this T-Rex that’s been haunting my house must have some big business! This is the third time this week I’ve woken up in the middle of the night to a full body T-Rex apparition standing over my bed, his head going through the ceiling and his little arms trying to rattle my things. I am starting to think I need an Exorcist or maybe a good Paleontologist. This week we talk about “Fubbing” your coworkers, making our own fried chicken, why there are no animal or prehistoric ghosts, the recent “Florida-Man” story of a man high out of his mind on drugs fist fights cops and bites a police dog after lying in a ditch making bird noises, the continued story of Bruno Wizardson, fake wizard who has now gathered two party members to go fight the Ogre… After some fried chicken of course. Also in this long adventure this week, Bruno recruits local farmer Dirk to fight the ogre, Otho sobers up, Bruno charms Dirk’s wife, the gang engages in some impromptu morning yoga, and Bruno gets invited into an Ogre’s home. More adventure to come!

Segment City Episode 41 - The episode where we talk about Pixar’s Cars for 25 minutes...

Yeah seriously. Like 25 minutes. I didn’t really count but it is close enough. Hope you like the movie Cars. In this quarantined episode of Segment City, Will and Theo talk about funny headlines around the world about Corona virus including Japanese store owners putting curses on toilet paper thieves, a French Smurf Rally continuing despite the virus, Cops saying they will not come if you call saying you have run out of toilet paper, prisoners making moonshine out of hand sanitizer, and many more, panic creating panic creating panic despite the base cause of the panic being dumb, a new Versus in which Will and Theo have to come up with a new mythological creature including Trivia Sphinx, Reverse Sphinx, Taurson, Littercrabs, “The Wanderer” aka It for dogs, and “The Packrat” a small creature that gradually moves its stuff into your house. We then talk about the Cars universe for like 20 something minutes, going into every minutia of it from the anatomy of cars, how they reproduce, car religion and Car Jesus, and what they do for War and if there was a Cars Hitler and… I can’t go into it all you just need to listen to the episode.

Segment City Episode 40 - Benedict Cumberbatch's Cumberworld

It has rides from all of his famous roles! Do a “Sherlock” escape room! Flee the dragon Smaug! Do a terrible Boston accent in the “Black Mass Experience”! This week, Theo and Will do Kermit the Frog impressions, talk about renaming the bathroom to “The Nasty Room”, the perpetual Libertarian candidate for President Vermin Supreme and his wacky policies of time travel research, zombie apocalypse preparedness, and one pony per American citizen, Will presents “The Most Rotten Tomato” where Theo has to guess which movie Will is describing using only Rotten Tomatoes scores and descriptions (this week is “Impractical Jokers: The Movie” and “Brahm’s The Boy 2”, and “My Spy”), Theo goes over some Old English slang including “Driggle Draggle”, Clasomaniac, Fopdoodle, Gilly-wet-foot, and many others, and Will goes into the 1904 Olympic Men’s Marathon in St. Louis where competitors had to be carried over the finish line, took a taxi to the end, fell asleep under a tree, and were chased miles off course by dogs. Let’s just say it was a wacky race.