Segment City

Segment City Episode 57 - Booty O's

Hopefully this cereal doesn’t… taste like booty. Thanks everyone, I’ll be here all week. On a very much related note, what are booty crowns? It is a Marshmallow shape for Booty O’s and I have no idea what it is. It keeps me awake at night. Oh well. This week on the podcast, Will and Theo talk about what amount of home constitutes not being homeless, answer the question of “Am I the A**hole?” for a post on r/ AmItheAsshole in which the poster created a website to make fun of his classmates and immediately got called out on it (kind of a cut and dry case tbh), the tale of Tarrare, the Hungriest man in history who was known for eating garbage, fighting with alley dogs over scraps, and for possible cannibalism and vampirism? Also this week, Theo goes over some Made for TV products to die for including one he made up himself (featuring the Uroclub, Saunapants, and the Itchy’s Blanket),and a new segment called “WHY?!: Cereal Edition” in which Will takes us through some of the wackiest cereals he could find including “Booty O’s”, “Cinnabon Cereal”, “Chicken and Waffle Honey Bunches and Oats Cereal”, and many more!

Segment City Episode 56 - How much can you shoplift from Five Below?

A shitty plastic doll here, a useless attachment for your phone there, a few items from Five Below and no one will know the difference. Besides, they don’t have much value individually. However, how much could you steal from Five Below without getting caught for the maximum price value? I don’t know because I am not a criminal.This week on the podcast, the boys talk about the US Army’s Twitch channel, why we don’t arm wrestle, early drafts of children, the morbid fame from being killed by a famous serial killer, a news story about a Florida Man that let a 12 year drive his Jeep 85 mph in order to be a “Cool Dad” despite not being the 12 year old’s father, a Jack the Ripper themed round of “Conspiracy Query!” which asks if Jack the Ripper was a British Prince, President Grover Cleveland, a mad midwife, serial killer H.H. Holmes, or Lewis Carrol. The boys also talk about another of “The Worst Theme Parks in the World” with the Fountain of Youth Park in Florida where you can drink nasty water out of a disgusting fountain and get a parasite, and Will takes a quick dive into the Hidden Kingdom Trilogy which is a reverse harem story by Lila Rose where a woman named Paige counts a lot and has to deal with annoying men hounding her and is… the Ghoul Queen?

Segment City Episode 55 - The 1908 New York to Paris Auto Race

You probably read that title and thought “Wait, what? Did they drive across the ocean?” And your skepticism is well placed. Cars in the early 20th Century were just kind of a chair bolted to a metal box being propelled by small explosions. Most didn’t have tops let alone a wind shield. And yet, these brave, stupid men decided they wanted to take these death machines across the USA, Canada, Siberia, and all of Europe for a big trophy or something. This is their story. This week on the podcast Theo and Will invent a new dating app called “Craigslust” which is exactly what it sounds like, would you be haunted by the ghosts of people who have died on the toilet for a million dollars, Will recounts the tale of the 1908 New York to Paris Auto Race in which 6 cars travelled through the mostly rural United States, failing to cross the Bering Strait, through untamed Siberia, all the way to Paris. Along the way they have to deal with terrible snow, constant mechanical failures, rivalries, angry locals, and locust sized mosquitoes?

Segment City Episode 54 - The Mid Morning Nap Prince

Verily, it twas a wondrous time under the Mid Morning Nap Prince! Everyone would party all through the night and then wake up still groggy. This really hurt productivity until the “Party All Night King” died and his son took over. He initiated a daily holiday where everyone just kinda naps in the morning to get fully recharged and it was good. This week on the podcast, Will Theo talk about how people cannot focus on two crisisies at once, the first world problem of the local dry cleaner’s taking months to clean a coat, Theo reads an episode of Family Feud produced by an AI, the guy who must write the questions for all game shows, Will reviews the movie “Highlander” with all of its wacky worldbuilding and cool sword fights because there can only be one, Theo asks “Is this The Onion?” about three news stories (UK waging war on and then surrendering to New Zealand, Tik Tok apologizes about giving platform to theater kids, Mark Zuckerberg offers round table to hate groups to see how they work), and Will goes through the Dark Fae Kings Book Series by Meg Xuemei X with “Fever Fae” and “Frost Fae” in which a woman is hounded by obnoxious Fae kings while dodging monsters and taking care of her younger siblings? Email us with what king you would go with, I dare you.

Segment City Episode 53 - The Summer Camp Coup

The clock hit 3 pm. Everyone knew their marks. Everyone knew the plan. Everyone was in position. We would take over this summer camp or feel a little disappointed and say “Oh well, we tried..” This week on the podcast the boys talk about making a new Batman, the board game “Scythe” the post WWI mech domination game, how Ripley’s Believe it or Not could have anything in it, jacked guys at the gym, the recent PS5 Reveal Event where Theo and Will talk about the games that came out and what the console looks like, and Will tells a real life story of when he worked at a summer camp and created pranks on the management using his influence on the campers and the other counselors leading up to a full coup! MAYBE NOW THEY WILL APPRECIATE MY HARD WORK!

Segment City Episode 52 - Eating Dominoes in a Warzone

“Hello, can I get one pepperoni pizza delivered to the bombed out building that used to be 72 Main Street? Thanks, if it is delivered quickly I will give you a tip consisting of some bullet casings and trinkets stolen from my neighbor’s house.” This week on the podcast, Theo and Will talk about Slip and Slides, if tanning is toasting yourself, Theo presents 4 of the oddest Game Shows (including “The 5th Wheel”, “Touch the Truck”, “Repo Games”, and “Queen for a Day”), we return to the world of Dungeons and Dragons for a thrilling game of “D&D for 2!” in which Bruno Wizardson lies to an Archmage, gets spiked drinks at BuckStar coffee shop with a talking cat, and reunites with his gang of rogues, and Theo asks “What does this rap lyric mean?” about E-40’s remix of his own song “Function” where he looks dipped, glimmery, and lit up like a strobe light. Also featured is the song “Dope Dealer” by Schoolboy Q and E-40 that I think is entirely about getting Domino's pizza in a warzone.

Segment City Episode 51 - Mushroom Magnate

He built his empire toiling in the field. Then he said “Eh, nevermind” and left the field to rot and grow mushrooms. Then he made his fortune pick these mushrooms. At least that’s how I presume it went. Seriously, who ever heard of a mushroom magnate? This week on the podcast, the boys talk about being a hot, fat, pale nerd in the Middle Ages, answering Reddit’s question of “Am I the A**hole?” in a twisty tale of a man having his twin taking his place at his in law’s Christmas party, a Covid edition of “Conspiracy Query!” tackling some breaking news conspiracies, another of “The World’s Worst Theme Parks” with Lithuania’s “Stalin’s World”, a literal prison camp created by a mushroom magnate depicting all the great things about Soviet society including… Statues. A petting zoo. And much more. Not that much more to be honest. But there is a lot to deconstruct with this week’s edition of “Amazon Erotica” in which Will describes the 10 book “Betrothed” series by Penelope Sky. It has everything! Gypsy curses! Fighting over companies! Weddings! Break ups! The Skull King? What? Who are these characters? WHAT IS GOING ON?

Segment City Episode 50 - COME GET YA PIZZA HOT AND READY TO GO

COME GET YA PIZZA HOT AND READY TO GO! COME GET YA PIZZA HOT AND READY TO GO! COME GET YA PIZZA HOT AND READY TO GO! On this very special 50th episode of the podcast, the Will and Theo talk about eating peanut butter straight out of the jar, the film Predator and its many wonderful one-liners, whether we would try to convince the employees at any restaurant we go to that we have a “special” dish specific to us for a million dollars, installing drive in windows to our homes, some naughty Ancient Roman Graffiti from the preserved city of Pompeii including unhappy dinner guests, sad farewells, and bed wetting hotel guests, and a very special segment featuring a guest segment from our friend Nick Tassoni who talks about a car that goes through his neighborhood blasting advertisements for pizza that it serves out of the car as well as all the other noise making vehicles in his neighborhood including multiple ice cream trucks and a honking corn salesman.

Segment City Episode 49 - #gettingslizzerd

The only thing better than #givingblood to the Red Cross is #gettingslizzerd with the Red Cross. This week on the podcast, Theo and Will talk about Tortas, a mini review of Dishonored, whether it is better to put out shows all at once or weekly is better for streaming services, a very in depth review of both Alien and Aliens which turns into somewhat of an argument between Will and Theo about which is better, some comporate Twitter mishaps in which they tweeted some… unfortunate things (featuring Chrysler, the American Red Cross, Walmart, DiGiorno’s, and Baby Nut), Theo goes into The Holy Land Experience, an apparently awful theme park in Orlando, Florida that features fun attractions for the whole family like a bloody Jesus being crucified daily, terrible food, and limited space in the performances (which are the only reason to go), and Will goes on a deep dive into a Revolution Studios and a conspiracy that he has formulated about their operations as well as diving into the flop that was Zoom: Academy for Heroes and the Anger Management TV show and how it was all a ploy to get into syndication. He goes off the deep end, it’s a little frightening.

Segment City Episode 48 - I See Bees, I am Bees

Ah, the old Descartes quote, “I see bees, therefore I am bees.” Wait, am I remembering that right…? This week on the podcast, the boys talk about tarot cards, if Millennials will be able to keep up with technology in the future, the adventures of Florida Man and his quest to slap his girlfriend with a cheeseburger, the worst Top 50 Sci fi TV show list (seriously, who made this piece of garbage list?), “31 Insanely Irrelevant Acronyms on the FBI’s Epic List of Internet Slang” featuring acronyms nobody has ever said or typed before because they are uncommon, too long, or both, and Will delves deep into some Amazon Erotica where he reads the descriptions for a trilogy of Santa Claus themed smut including “Santa Steps Out”, “Santa Claus Conquers the Homophobes”, and “Santa Claus Saves the World” by Robert Devereux.