Segment City

Segment City Episode 39 - Pocket Full of Meatloaf

New from Segment City Food Labs comes Pocket Full of Meatloaf(™)! Are you tired of waiting for a special day of the week to dine on meat in a loaf form? Well now you can eat meatloaf anywhere! (Segment City Food Labs is not responsible for ruined clothing, messy eating, or a general meaty smell surrounding our customers…) This week, the boys talk about who we would want to play them in a movie, “What Does This Rap Lyric Mean?” for 2 Chainz’s song “Shoot it out” in which 2 Chainz walks out of the jungle in a minx coat absolutely stuffed with meatloaf with a magic small mountain on a necklace trapping small people. They also play another round of “D&D for 2” which is a continuation of the events from Segment City Episodes 33 and 36, in this round Bruno Wizardson is sent to the sleepy farming town of Barrow Falls where he meets Swearing Timmy the local paperboy, Dirk the defacto leader of the town, and convinces the local cleric Otho to join him on his quest to defeat an ogre, and Theo asks “Is This the Onion?” with stories about new regulations allowing choke holds and eye gouging on birds, a new 14 seat, 11 door, 7 wheel, 4 trunk SUV, and a man not liking that his child got a pamphlet endorsing toe sucking instead of sex featuring activities like spooning in the street, buying them a piece of the moon, and marrying them. Also a new T-Rex species was called and they named it “Reaper of Death” which is metal as hell.

Segment City Episode 38 - Space Jame 3: Barles Charkley is #1 This Time

The Looney Tunes are back at it again and they need some talent to help them with another big basketball game. Unfortunately someone misread the name and got Charles Barkley’s very distant cousin Barles Charkley. God only know what “Barles’ Secret Stuff” is.This week, Theo and Will talk about Jeremiah the Geriatric Jurassic Park tour guide, what video games would translate well into movies, a Red Dead Redemption movie with horse motion capture by Andy Serkis, horse voice over by Morgan Freeman, and horse face done by Al Pachino, if you would work as the lawyer for a supervillain in your dreams for a million dollars, we play a round of PitchStorm which is a card game that allows prompts that one player has to use to pitch a movie to the other player in the role of a bad producer, movie ideas include a bear pretending to be a human and his house pets fighting mutants and a princess’ bachelorette party goes terribly wrong when she falls in love except psych it was all a flash back and she has been in a coma but don’t worry she marries Barles Charkley, Theo describes “The Cobra Effect” which is when an initiative to get rid of a thing actually makes the problem worse, Will reviews the Sonic the Hedgehog movie (spoiler: He didn’t like it that much) and instead he decided to spend his energy researching the upcoming movie After which turns out to be based on a Harry Styles fanfic so of course he had to look into it!

Segment City Episode 37 - "Sir... That's a Gameboy Advance."

And we all know you can’t put a N64 cartridge into a Gameboy Advance. I mean come on! It’s the same size as a GBA! This week, the boys talk about erotic commisions different professions can do, Theo asks “What Does this Rap Lyric Mean?” about Zack Fox’s song “Jesus is the One (I Got Depression)”, Will recites parables from “Acts of Gord” an old website in which a video game store owner recites tales of people not knowing the difference between N64s and Gameboys, not understanding you can’t velcro a Gameshark onto a PS1, and not understanding the basic principles of capitalism, Theo talks about the death and rebirth of our lord and savior Mr. Peanut whose flesh we dine upon when we bored at a friend’s house or in a bar, and Will introduces a new Segment called “AI Talkshow” featuring our AI hosts from acapelabox and their guests, Will and Theo.

Segment City Episode 36 - Dinosaurs Destroyed the Roman Empire?

The great Roman Empire, a superpower of the Ancient World. But everything changed when the dinosaurs attacked. Few people know this, but the Latin word for dinosaur actually translates to “AAAAHHH OH GOD IT IS RIPPING OUT MY INNARDS!” So many great moments in Ancient Roman history: Julius Caesar ripped apart by Raptors, Hannibal bringing T-Rexs over the Alps, Nero playing the fiddle while Rome was burned by dinos. Also Nero was a dinosaur.This week, Will talks about a murder mystery party he attended, how thankful we are that bodily functions are satisfying, asking “Is this person the a**hole?” about a r/amitheasshole post about if a man making fun of his girlfriend who thought the dinosaurs killed the Romans, a LENGTHY segment called “D&D for 2” (continuing from the last time we did this segment in Segment City Episode 33) in which Theo plays Bruno Wizardson, a Bard pretending to be a Wizard, which turns out to be a negative as he is brought to a Wizard Tower by a talking cat, chats with the grumbliest dwarf receptionist, and has a meeting with Archmage Archibald Cornellius Tinklebottom III! Where will his adventures take him next? I know where our adventure in this episode of Segment City ends, with a segment in which Theo quizzes Will on which of three “As Seen on TV” Products are real, and which is fake, featuring Super Tire Glue, The Handy Heater, and Big Vision Glasses!

Segment City Episode 35 - Chuck Tingle's Tinglers

Legends tell of a man named Chuck Tingle that came down from the heavens to accomplish one goal: Make really weird erotica featuring creatures, men, and butts. He fights off legions of foes with his Tae Kwon Do abilities and massages his friends with his PhD in holistic massage. But I’m getting ahead of myself, let’s start at his first erotic novel...In this somewhat Dinosaur themed episode, we have a very loud intro straight from Hell, from the fabulous set of Wheel of Hell that is! Also featured, we talk about “The Repair Shop” on Netflix, how humans would domesticate dinosaurs if we coexisted, David Delooper the man who had a quest of being on 30 NBA jumbotrons in 30 days, a dino-themed game of “Conspiracy Query!” featuring conspiracies about how the dinosaurs went extinct ranging from cataracts to changes in gravity and alien abduction, a news story about a parking lot pooper that was caught in a town near Boston, and we end with some Dinosaur Eroticas in our recurring segment Amazon Erotica featuring huntresses being cornered by T-Rexes and our first foray into the works of Chuck Tingle including his “Space Raptor Butt Series”

 

Email us at segmentcitypodcast@gmail.com

Twitter: https://twitter.com/SegmentCity

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCtOxbiSIX1NlSrNMLSqzFqQ

Segment City Episode 34 - Old Men Fight Over Free Sample at Costco

We both know you are only here because we talked about the episode description in this episode. It’s ok. I’m just happy someone is finally reading these things. This week Theo and Will talk about “Goldfinger” and the creepiness of early James Bond movies, what interviews for the position of interviewer are like, another round of “Is this the Onion?” with stories of Chinese surveillance, sleeping in mattress stores, and a foot found in a Goodwill shoe, a very screwy reading of Pompeii Graffiti, a new segment called “Knockoff Nation” in which Theo compiled a list of products and the products that rip them off including Bimbows, Robert Cop, Scribbles, Goo Girls, etc., and Will reads news reports about an old man fight in a Costco over free samples, a parrot being used as a murder witness, and an insect heist for the ages.

Segment City Episode 33 - Wizard Duel at the Curious Crustacean Inn

Ah, Wizard Duels. The most respected and outdated thing in Wizard society. The sparks fly even before the wizards shake hands. It basically boils down to “I can shoot more sparks out of my hand than you”. And this is why all Wizards are dorks. Real men shoot each other with guns or arm wrestle. This week, the boys talk about lab grown meat, what exotic animals we would eat (including the most exotic of all: human meat), having miniaturized animals in your house as pets, Spongebob Squarepants’ name in other languages, a very long new segment called “D&D for 2” in which Will DMs a quick Dungeons and Dragons game for just Theo in which crowds are riled up, purses are cut, Theo puts on a magic show and is challenged by a real wizard, and the most one sided bar fight is broken up by a magic cat. Also this episode, we peruse “r/ AmItheAsshole” to see if a father is an a**hole for not wanting his son named “John Doe”.

Segment City Episode 32 - Pimp My Porkchop

They didn’t have to do much convincing to get Xzibit to host “Pimp My Porkchop”. Other spin offs include “Pimp My Porcupine”, “Pimp My Porch”, and “Pimp my Rascal Mobility Scooter”. This week, the boys do impressions of Toad, talk about body shapes, reminisce about “Pimp My Ride”, list our favorite insults from around the world (spoiler: they mostly have to do with pooping and farting on the insultee), we play an improv game where one person is interviewing for a job doesn’t know what the job is and must guess it, terrible Minor League Baseball promotional events, and reading of the erotica titled “Rough and Ready” and let’s just say we were not ready. Things get wet and abs seem to do a lot of strange things like bulge, pulse, and gallop. This makes Theo very uncomfortable.

Segment City Episode 31 - The Most Insane Siege in History

I am a huge history buff. I love the stories, the characters, and the stuff that is stranger than fiction. I don’t think anyone could predict where the Battle of Alesia between Julius Caesar of Rome vs. the Gauls would lead, but certainly not where it does. Will Caesar give the Gauls poisoned salad? Will the Gauls throw an entire cow at Caesar’s army? Will both sides just say “Eh, whatever…” and go home? Who knows. Just kidding, I know. And you will too. This week, Theo shares a list of unofficial Harry Potter book titles from China, the big who-dunnit in the wizarding world of who is turning everyone into stools (I think it was the Big Funnel), Voldemort’s real archnemsis Yandomort, Will’s review of “The Last Witch Hunter” a film kinda co-written, produced by, and starring Vin Diesel, a mysterious story found on r/ WritingPrompts about a man, a cabin, some guns, and some apples? Also, Will details one of the craziest sieges in history: The Battle of Alesia between Julius Caesar and the Gauls.

Segment City Episode 30 - Bubble Tea Pizza?

You know what I love on a pizza? Sugar cubes and chewy gummy balls. Oh yeah, and also cheese to really up the savory, salty factor for this sweet pizza instead of, I don’t know, some kind of tea flavored spread? I don’t want to talk about Bubble Tea pizza anymore. This week, Will and Theo talk about humbling Roman Generals, the origin of the name for Caesar Salad, “Is this the Onion?” in which Will must guess which article is real from 3 stories and which are The Onion articles which include bus tours down the “Joker” stairs, new Eggplant with sores emoji, and Bubble Tea pizza, some more Ancient Pompeii graffiti, the three worst Scooby Doo plot lines including “Chickenstein Lives”, “Hang in There, Scooby Doo” featuring a Ghost Pterodactyl, and “Creepy Cruise” featuring a convoluted time travel device and a not so complicatedly named Futuristic Monster.