Segment City

Segment City Episode 29 - Ocean's 2

Ok, I’m not gonna lie, we go a little off topic in this episode. We go from talking about internet commenters to pitching a new Ocean’s movie featuring just Danny Ocean and the gymnast that can fit into suitcases. How can you do a heist using charm, flexibility and a small suitcase? I don’t know. But Danny Ocean can figure it out. This week on the podcast, the boys talk about the inconsistency of internet commenters, inconsistent movie numbering, talk about Ocean’s 2, New Year’s Resolutions to be more confident, movies that take place in 2020 and how they expected the future to turn out,  Battlebots vs Robot Boxing, the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park fighting each other, Baby Sonic, an alternate Incredible Hulk who turns into a regular man when he gets angry, a beverage based round of Conspiracy Query, Theo’s 3 new Rules for Efficiency(™) for the new year.

Segment City Episode 28 - Cacophony of Cat Pianos

Happy New Year everyone! We want to thank everyone for supporting the podcast this year! And know that this is just the beginning and you can’t stop us, despite constant attempts at destroying us. We shall prevail! This week on the podcast, we talk about the new Gotham City podcast “Bane and the Wayne”, how many people complete their New Year Resolutions, Theo asks Will “What Does this Rap Lyric Mean?” for Migos’ song “Bad and Bougee”, another chapter of “The Absurdity of Life” in which clueless Pete arrives to the 103rd floor and gets set up at his job by an eerily jovial HR manager, Theo’s personal Year in Review for gaming based on his Playstation Trophies (Assassin’s Creed Odyssey, Hitman, Apex Legends, Shadow of the Tomb Raider, Astrobot Rescue Mission, Mortal Kombat 11, Beat Saber, Days Gone, Monster Hunter World: Iceborne, Control, Borderlands 3), and Will looks back to the conception of Segment City and proposes other podcast topics that we could have picked instead of Segment City including a bird watching podcast, a podcast reviewing other podcasts, and Waifu Weekly.

Segment City Holiday Special - We Wrote a Hallmark Christmas Movie

That’s right, we come up with not just one, but three movie ideas in this episode! Do not steal! Copyright Will Kane and not Theo. This will be the betrayal of the century. This festive week, Will and his elf friend Theo talk about Santa breaking copyright laws, AI generated holiday poems, the Elf on a Shelf and his eternal battle against Demons, the Netflix movie “The Knight Before Christmas”, we write a Hallmark original Christmas movie about a business woman travelling to a small town to open a big mall when she meets Chris Pringle (aka Santa Claus Jr). and they must win the big bake off on ice against her evil Christmas hating fiance Johnman John to win the town back in “Christmas Competition for Her Heart”, we talk about the now infamous yearly Santa Con that besieges cities around the USA with drunken Santas, and the top 10 weirdest holiday traditions from around the world! Also, we will be off next week, so enjoy your Holidays!

Segment City Episode 26 - The Isuzu Questionable Reliability Warlock

After the success of the Isuzu Mysterious Utility Wizard, the car manufacturer decided to contact other dark arts practitioners for a possible deal. This led them to contact Fred, the Questionable Reliability Warlock. Suffice it to say, Fred did not come through on this. Ironically, the car itself was very reliable, especially in cold weather. Oh, and also summoning a demon in the passenger seat to help with navigation. This week, Theo and Will talk about a company sponsored magic show, perceptions on gaining or losing weight, pretending to be an animal in a zoo for a million dollar salary, a new horse costume themed romantic comedy, as new segment called “Welcome to New England” where Theo has to guess which New England town name is fake, “Guess which car name is real”, Will dramatically reads cat based tweets in a new segment called “Twitter Theater”, an Amazon (Not) Erotica about a book called “Bill the Vampire” about an obnoxious nerd vampire, and a reading from the Acts of Gord website.

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Segment City Episode 25 - Ancient Roman Advertisements

Sorry this episode was a day late, my computer decided that it didn’t want to work. Maybe I need a new one? But where would I find one? I got it! I’ll do the same thing as the Ancient Romans and just paint graffiti on the wall asking for a good PC! Good thing I know a guy who loves advertising on walls. This week, Will and Theo talk about Shovel Knight, what Will wants happen to his bones when he dies, if you would send a sexy calendar of yourself to everyone in the USA for a million dollars, a new segment in which Will reads some notable graffiti found in Pompeii, pitching new holidays (including Bubble Wrap day, Voting Day, Lost Sock Memorial Day, Dionysius (the festival of wine and drama), Fruit Cake Day, Opposite Christmas), an Amazon Erotica of the “Yes, Please!” series!

Segment City Episode 24 - “All your favorite Nickelodeon characters are coming to New Jersey”

All your favorite characters are here! Spongebob, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Dora the Explorer, even Big Fat Tony from down the street! They are all coming to the wonderful state of New Jersey to become the only thing worth going to in New Jersey! I’m just joking, New Jersey listeners. But seriously, why are you listening to our podcast instead of going to meet Boots the Monkey at a theme park inside a very big mall? This week, the boys talk about Theo’s visit to Nashville, Tennessee, how moldy blue cheese gets before it is too moldy, the deaths of Lake Pontchartrain, the new Nickelodeon Universe Theme Park in the American Dream Mall in New Jersey, not so sexy Halloween costumes, and a new segment called Wacky Crime in which Will talks about rampant avocado theft in New Zealand.

Segment City Episode 23 - Baby Preacher

Welcome to the Mega Church of Segment City! Home to the world famous baby preacher who is here to save your soul and sells you some dank kush all before naptime! Praise be to the Baby Preacher! This week, the boys talk about a funny potluck story, would people diet and exercise if we lived in a world where everyone looks fit, the origin of the Batman villain Condiment King, Will reads from the holy Acts of Gord Website which is a website chronicling the annoying people a video game owner named Gord had to deal with (http://www.actsofgord.com/), what the rap lyrics of Lil Baby’s songs mean, a drug dealing baby preacher, and a space themed round of Conspiracy Theory with conspiracies on a manned mission to Mars, a face on Mars, and a dead cosmonaut.

Segment City Episode 22 - The Gushers Review

Gushers are the ultimate “My mom never let me have this as a kid so now that I’m an adult. I’m gonna have some and oh god they aren’t as good as I remember.” Don’t get me wrong, they aren’t bad. I just wished they gushed a bit more. I guess I just spoiled our review of Gushers. It’s ok, no one reads these descriptions anyway. This week Will and Theo talk about the Fantasy Podcaster League, what happens if a performer has to poop on stage, getting eaten by a bear for a million dollars, a retro review of Gushers, fruit leather, “Is This the Onion?” a new game where Theo presents three news story, only one of which is not an Onion article, and the second installment of “The Absurdity of Life” in which the main character arrives for the first day of work and has some obstacles getting in the building.

Segment City Episode 21 - The World Famous Gopher Hole Museum

Gophers are an interesting species. I read that the males come out of their holes a few weeks before the females in the Spring. This leads to a very literal survival of the fittest as the male gophers fight to not starve or become prey. That’s not really a funny tagline for this episode, but you just learned something new so there is that. This week, the boys talk about if your name affects your personality, Theo’s review of “I Love You, Colonel Sanders! A Finger Licking Good Dating Simulator”, Will talks about his recent trip to Calgary and Banff National Park in Alberta, Canada, bear spray, the World Famous Gopher Hole Museum, the Royal Tyrrell Museum full of dinosaur bones, and pitching other service trucks besides food trucks (Brewery truck, Food Truck Truck, Barber Truck, Church Truck, Dentist Truck, DMV Truck)

Segment City 2019 Halloween Spooktacular!

Everyone in Segment City loves Halloween with all of its scares and pranks! Although every year, some spooky thing happens like everyone turning into whatever their costume is or the dead rising, or a masked killer on the loose. We think it just adds to the holiday spirit. On this spoooky episode Will and Theo talk about a horror movie starring Casper the Friendly Ghost, the Haunted Mine Cart ride at Canobie Lake Park, an Amazon Totally Not Erotica about a book called “Demons are Dicks”, a versus battle in which the boys have to come up with the ultimate candy (the “Everything Candy bar (aka the Fat Man)” vs. Theo’s Savory Candy Concoctions), pitching another character for the Wizard of Oz and what they want from the Wizard, Libertarian Dobby, and the Top 10 Worst Horror Movie Monsters!