Segment City

Segment City Holiday Special - We Wrote a Hallmark Christmas Movie

That’s right, we come up with not just one, but three movie ideas in this episode! Do not steal! Copyright Will Kane and not Theo. This will be the betrayal of the century. This festive week, Will and his elf friend Theo talk about Santa breaking copyright laws, AI generated holiday poems, the Elf on a Shelf and his eternal battle against Demons, the Netflix movie “The Knight Before Christmas”, we write a Hallmark original Christmas movie about a business woman travelling to a small town to open a big mall when she meets Chris Pringle (aka Santa Claus Jr). and they must win the big bake off on ice against her evil Christmas hating fiance Johnman John to win the town back in “Christmas Competition for Her Heart”, we talk about the now infamous yearly Santa Con that besieges cities around the USA with drunken Santas, and the top 10 weirdest holiday traditions from around the world! Also, we will be off next week, so enjoy your Holidays!

Segment City Episode 26 - The Isuzu Questionable Reliability Warlock

After the success of the Isuzu Mysterious Utility Wizard, the car manufacturer decided to contact other dark arts practitioners for a possible deal. This led them to contact Fred, the Questionable Reliability Warlock. Suffice it to say, Fred did not come through on this. Ironically, the car itself was very reliable, especially in cold weather. Oh, and also summoning a demon in the passenger seat to help with navigation. This week, Theo and Will talk about a company sponsored magic show, perceptions on gaining or losing weight, pretending to be an animal in a zoo for a million dollar salary, a new horse costume themed romantic comedy, as new segment called “Welcome to New England” where Theo has to guess which New England town name is fake, “Guess which car name is real”, Will dramatically reads cat based tweets in a new segment called “Twitter Theater”, an Amazon (Not) Erotica about a book called “Bill the Vampire” about an obnoxious nerd vampire, and a reading from the Acts of Gord website.

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Segment City Episode 25 - Ancient Roman Advertisements

Sorry this episode was a day late, my computer decided that it didn’t want to work. Maybe I need a new one? But where would I find one? I got it! I’ll do the same thing as the Ancient Romans and just paint graffiti on the wall asking for a good PC! Good thing I know a guy who loves advertising on walls. This week, Will and Theo talk about Shovel Knight, what Will wants happen to his bones when he dies, if you would send a sexy calendar of yourself to everyone in the USA for a million dollars, a new segment in which Will reads some notable graffiti found in Pompeii, pitching new holidays (including Bubble Wrap day, Voting Day, Lost Sock Memorial Day, Dionysius (the festival of wine and drama), Fruit Cake Day, Opposite Christmas), an Amazon Erotica of the “Yes, Please!” series!

Segment City Episode 24 - “All your favorite Nickelodeon characters are coming to New Jersey”

All your favorite characters are here! Spongebob, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Dora the Explorer, even Big Fat Tony from down the street! They are all coming to the wonderful state of New Jersey to become the only thing worth going to in New Jersey! I’m just joking, New Jersey listeners. But seriously, why are you listening to our podcast instead of going to meet Boots the Monkey at a theme park inside a very big mall? This week, the boys talk about Theo’s visit to Nashville, Tennessee, how moldy blue cheese gets before it is too moldy, the deaths of Lake Pontchartrain, the new Nickelodeon Universe Theme Park in the American Dream Mall in New Jersey, not so sexy Halloween costumes, and a new segment called Wacky Crime in which Will talks about rampant avocado theft in New Zealand.

Segment City Episode 23 - Baby Preacher

Welcome to the Mega Church of Segment City! Home to the world famous baby preacher who is here to save your soul and sells you some dank kush all before naptime! Praise be to the Baby Preacher! This week, the boys talk about a funny potluck story, would people diet and exercise if we lived in a world where everyone looks fit, the origin of the Batman villain Condiment King, Will reads from the holy Acts of Gord Website which is a website chronicling the annoying people a video game owner named Gord had to deal with (http://www.actsofgord.com/), what the rap lyrics of Lil Baby’s songs mean, a drug dealing baby preacher, and a space themed round of Conspiracy Theory with conspiracies on a manned mission to Mars, a face on Mars, and a dead cosmonaut.

Segment City Episode 22 - The Gushers Review

Gushers are the ultimate “My mom never let me have this as a kid so now that I’m an adult. I’m gonna have some and oh god they aren’t as good as I remember.” Don’t get me wrong, they aren’t bad. I just wished they gushed a bit more. I guess I just spoiled our review of Gushers. It’s ok, no one reads these descriptions anyway. This week Will and Theo talk about the Fantasy Podcaster League, what happens if a performer has to poop on stage, getting eaten by a bear for a million dollars, a retro review of Gushers, fruit leather, “Is This the Onion?” a new game where Theo presents three news story, only one of which is not an Onion article, and the second installment of “The Absurdity of Life” in which the main character arrives for the first day of work and has some obstacles getting in the building.

Segment City Episode 21 - The World Famous Gopher Hole Museum

Gophers are an interesting species. I read that the males come out of their holes a few weeks before the females in the Spring. This leads to a very literal survival of the fittest as the male gophers fight to not starve or become prey. That’s not really a funny tagline for this episode, but you just learned something new so there is that. This week, the boys talk about if your name affects your personality, Theo’s review of “I Love You, Colonel Sanders! A Finger Licking Good Dating Simulator”, Will talks about his recent trip to Calgary and Banff National Park in Alberta, Canada, bear spray, the World Famous Gopher Hole Museum, the Royal Tyrrell Museum full of dinosaur bones, and pitching other service trucks besides food trucks (Brewery truck, Food Truck Truck, Barber Truck, Church Truck, Dentist Truck, DMV Truck)

Segment City 2019 Halloween Spooktacular!

Everyone in Segment City loves Halloween with all of its scares and pranks! Although every year, some spooky thing happens like everyone turning into whatever their costume is or the dead rising, or a masked killer on the loose. We think it just adds to the holiday spirit. On this spoooky episode Will and Theo talk about a horror movie starring Casper the Friendly Ghost, the Haunted Mine Cart ride at Canobie Lake Park, an Amazon Totally Not Erotica about a book called “Demons are Dicks”, a versus battle in which the boys have to come up with the ultimate candy (the “Everything Candy bar (aka the Fat Man)” vs. Theo’s Savory Candy Concoctions), pitching another character for the Wizard of Oz and what they want from the Wizard, Libertarian Dobby, and the Top 10 Worst Horror Movie Monsters!

Segment City Episode 19 - Ye Olde Ghostbusters

When there doth be something peculiar in thy fine burg, who should thoust beckon? Ye olde Ghostbusters! In this spoooky lead up to Halloween, the boys talk about getting overcooked by a cannibal, loving a robo dog, having pets that talk for a million dollars, WoW Classic as a case study in game design, how quality of life fixes change a game, Lebron James’ ridiculous attempted trademark on Taco Tuesday, and the Hammersmith Ghost murder case which asks,”Is it ok to murder someone if you thought they were a ghost”?

Segment City Episode 18 - I Could Make a Goosebumps!

R.L. Stine may be a prolific children’s horror author, but that doesn’t mean that all of his work is good. Along with his whimsical tales featuring scares and life lessons are stories in which the protagonist must endure endless torment for one mistake. What I am saying is that R.L. Stine has gone crazy from writing too many children’s books and he needs someone to take over his mantle. We here at Segment City will take up this challenge… some other time. This week, Theo and Will talk about the “Magnificent 7” remake, eating a whole loaf of bread, cotton candy flavored grapes, an AI chatbot that makes stories from phrases, the new hit game show “You Choose, Spiderman!” where you choose between Mary Jane and a bus full of kids, Vape Hero, the first part of “The Absurdity of Life” about a man named Pete moving into an apartment with a strange roommate, the top 3 worst Goosebumps books! (“Go Eat Worms”, “Beware the Purple Peanut Butter”, “Chicken Chicken”)