Segment City

Segment City Episode 86 - Grittney Unleashed: Juice the Caboose

Have you ever woken up from a nightmare in a cold sweat, realized it was all a dream, and peacefully gone back to sleep? Unfortunately for you, Grittney is all too real and has way too much juice in her caboose. Seriously, those cheeks are well defined. This week the guys talk about Grittney, the partner of the Philly Flyers mascot Gritty, who apparently is cleaning up his act with a makeover from the Fab Five. Will contemplates how weird bread must have been for whoever discovered it, and also meets a new resident of Segment City, the Taxidermy Shop owner. Come on down, see some dead rats, what’ve you got to lose? They also discuss Lil Yachty’s role in the upcoming Uno movie (yes, the card game) and read the best two chapters of My Immortal yet.

Segment City Episode 85 - Meat Peripherals

Meat. Peripherals. It is probably the most out of touch, futurist, inhuman way to describe our hands, feet, eyes, etc. But people like Gabe Newell have transcended us. Or that is what they hope since their meat peripherals probably smell like pepperoni. On this episode, Will and Theo talk about a “Parks and Rec” card game (as well as the whole show), bad recommendation etiquette, old parents calling all Internet communication Zoom calls, an “Ebay Find” of a Flaming Hot Cheeto in the shape of a bald eagle on a branch that is selling for an absurd amount of money, Will reads a technology news story about Gabe Newell describing new brain computer interfaces (BCIs) technology that Valve is researching and how it will be better than using our “meat peripherals”. Don’t worry, they won’t hack your brain. They promise! Also this episode, Theo reads a scenario from “r/HypotheticalScenarios” about what you would do if you are immortal and everyone disappears with a far too in depth comment with a full plan for containing all of Human knowledge to breeding a new Racoon society to take you to space.

Segment City Episode 84 - We Read Erotica about Ourselves?!

You read that title right. One of the authors featured in our Amazon Erotica segment reached out and told us he wrote an erotic story about us! It is available on Amazon right now titled “Audiophiles: Best Friends First Time Gay Inspired By True Events”. Thank you to Mason Harnes for writing it! I hope you enjoy this beginning section of the story. Sadly, it gets too raunchy, even for our show. If you want to hear the whole thing, send us an email at segmentcitypodcast@gmail.com and send this episode to some friends! If it gets enough traction we may put it out through… Alternative means. I don’t know what that means, maybe you have to pay for it or something.

Segment City Episode 83 - Bears Ruined Libertarianism

Turns out that bears are the Liberal Elite of the animal kingdom and just want to stomp on our freedom to throw our trash anywhere! Where do these bears get off on destroying a Libertarian Paradise? This week on the podcast, the boys talk about potential pot cookie mishaps, Al Capone’s real voice,  Theo continues his list of strange celebrity baby names such as Moxie Crimefighter, Montague, and York, Will talks about an a New Hampshire town that was turned into a Libertarian utopia… Only to be brought down by bears, as told through an interview with the author of “A Libertarian Walks Into a Bear: The Utopian Plot to Liberate an American Town (And Some Bears)” by Matthew Hongoltz-Hetling. Also in this episode, Theo goes over some curious fragrance descriptions and the boys come up with new names for them.

Segment City Episode 82 - 5G Chili

This week on the podcast, the boys talk about the crazy people at the gym and some real, honest to goodness advice for working out at home, if Will would call all his bodily waste “Will Sauce” for a million dollars, Will and Theo have a “Pitchstorm'' where they pitch movie ideas about a jock that has to fight in a tournament but really wants to dance (also he can talk to animals) and a movie about sorority girls taking down the greeting card industry by one of them dating a millionaire in the industry (who is secretly her father and… betraying her friends to become the CEO? Also this episode, Theo goes over some Conspiracy Products including a “5G EMF Radiation Blocker” for your phone that uses Shungite to block radiation from your phone, and Will recounts the tale of the Dancing Plague of 1518 where people mysteriously danced until they dropped. What do we think caused this plague? Listen to find out!

Segment City Episode 81 - Everything is Becoming Crabs

When scientists said that everything seems to be evolving into crabs, we all scoffed. How are crabs the ultimate lifeform? It started slowly, but before long everything has become crabs. I am one of the last humans and I… feel… Myself… Blurb glub *skitters away* This week on the podcast, Theo and Will talk about some more funny headlines from 2020 including butter making people happier, ghost sex partners, rats taking over everything, Leprechaun Whisperers, and busting making Slimer feel good, Theo presents an “Ebay Oddity” with a creepy angel baby doll with a… Stapled on Werewolf mask? Also this episode, Will and Theo have a Fantasy World Bracket Tournament where the best Sci Fi or Fantasy world wins, and Theo quizzes Will on some “Celebrity Baby Names”!

Segment City Episode 80 - National Treasure 3: The Quest for Perfectly Cooked Chicken

They had a lot of trouble getting Nicholas Cage back for this one. Oh who am I kidding? Nick Cage would be in anything even if you just offered him a hot meal and a haircut. I’m looking forward to figuring out George Washington’s perfect chicken recipe though. This week on the podcast, the boys read some of the weirdest headlines of 2020, discuss the hot specs of the KFC console that cooks chicken for you while performing far better than any console on the market, Will rants about Cats the Musical including going over the sparse plot and the wild characters, Theo goes over his new rules for 2021 including calling everything that acts like a vegetable a vegetable, not calling people’s ugly babies cute, and less acronyms in life, and Will goes over some Cat conspiracy theories including cats being able to see ghosts, mind controlling people with parasites, litter reminding them of Egypt, and cats being alien spies!

Segment City Episode 79 - Strippers at a Funeral

Grandpa would have wanted us to put singles into the bra of a stripper dancing on his casket. This week on the podcast, the boys talk about what the best Christmas presents we ever received was, they play a game called “Inhuman Conditions” (https://robots.management/) where one player interviews the other and must decide if the interviewee is a robot or not (featuring Dr. Bozo Fredrickson the Dean of a Clown College and Natas Susej the Cult Leader), Theo looks “In the News”  to find a story about why some Chinese Funerals have strippers, and the boys read chapters 8-10 of “My Immortal” where Draco runs around naked, Snape insults, Voldemort finds Ebony and hands her a gun to kill Vampire Potter, and Ebony has band practice.

Segment City Episode 78 - New Year, Old Goofs

2020 has been tough. Like REALLY tough. But we are getting through it here on Segment City! Thank you to everyone who has been listening and keeping up with us. Here is to a better 2021! 

This week on a New Year's episode of the podcast, Will and Theo recount the best and worst years of our lives, the new Spiderman movie casting choices in order to fit in past Spiderman movies into the continuity, the boys discuss some TV Shows, Movies, and Video Games we are looking forward to in 2021,Theo talks about some of the games he enjoyed playing this past year, and the boys talk about some New Year's Resolutions!

Segment City Episode 77 - Where in the World is Drake Bell?

Drake Bell has a weird career. First he is on the Amanda Show, then he is on Drake and Josh. Then he did a live action Fairly Oddparents thing? Now he is moving to Mexico because he is apparently a pop star there. What a life! This week on the podcast, the boys talk about eating spicy foods and our new coined phrase “Nothing is worse than coming in Second place in a Chili eating contest”, a new set of “Ebay Finds!” featuring a fake cat tongue you put on your own tongue to lick your cat, Will goes over some True Crime with the “West Memphis Three” Case as well as the “Menedez Brothers” and how they weirdly compare and contrast, Theo goes over the life and current times of Drake Bell who recently changed his name to “Drake Campana” and moved to Mexico because apparently he is a star there, and Will goes over the unsolved mystery of the hijacking of a airplane travelling to Seattle by a man going by the name D. B. Cooper. We go over the events of the hijacking, the search for Cooper, and some pertinent details about the case.